impermanence

Fall down on your knees

Hear the whisper through the trees

No one’s come to save you.

I’ve only ever cried to one song, and it was only once.  I think I was twelve, definitely not older, but probably younger.  It wasn’t the first time I’d heard it, but perhaps the first time I’d actually listened to the words.  I wasn’t embarrassed, but I didn’t tell anyone until years later.  I told my dad when the song came over the little speaker in the kitchen.  Matter of fact in hopes that it would not prompt too much more conversation about it.

I hadn’t listened to the song much at all after I found myself in the heat of midsummer with tears drenching my face, sitting with my knees folded under me in a way that only kids can do.  When the song came over the little speaker in the kitchen, I was brought back to those moments when I could not control the quiet crying.  I asked my dad what the song was called.  “Temporary” by Slaid Cleaves.

Temporary.  Temporary is the song, temporary is the moment in the kitchen with my dad, temporary was the moment in which I was moved to tears.  Temporary as the morning dew will turn to steam.  Temporary are the friends we graduate high school with.  Temporary is the job we get.  Temporary as the blooming of the rose in spring. Temporary is your body that can run for miles.  Temporary is your mind that can imagine all possible futures.  Temporary, a love you thought would never end.  Temporary is you.  The world moves on just moments after your death.  Temporary is your life, just fleeting moments in the vast world that will live on, if only temporarily.  Temporary, a lullaby your mother would sing. 

Bleak, right?  I think I want it to be beautiful, the realization that everything is impermanent.  Always moving, changing, beginning, ending.  In a very overwhelming and consuming sense, I understood this as the tears soaked my cheeks and the heat made me want to close my eyes.  Everything is impermanent, nothing is forever, so love moments, people, and yourself like they will disappear–because they will.